can't touch this.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

korean sass

so far i've been having a crap weekend. :D

Reasons for Me Having a Crap Weekend:

1. i discovered that i still like That Boy. i only say bad things about him so that i can cope with my own inner feelings of loss and frustration over not being socially advanced enough to get a great guy like him for myself, or even at least talk to him.

2. i was mistaken for being puerto rican at work last night.

hispanic man: you puerto rican?

me: i'm greek.

hispanic man: ohhh... middle eastern, that's coo'.

except too bad greece isn't in the middle east. why don't you crack a geography book open instead of snorting coke so much on our restaraunt tables that i end up having to clean, ok?

psshhh... that's salt? salt my ass, i see those sores up your nose.

and for the record, i don't have a thing against puerto ricans. i have a few puerto rican friends. i would like to go to puerto rico. i'm just in a bad mood, that's all.

ok. anyways.

and 3. That Boy is at logan airport right now, ready to depart to europe for a month.


me = social disease.

i'm not just a social disease. i'm like, social leprocy.

that's how much i suck.

in more exciting news, i bought a new journal, having completed my third last spring. every year i choose a new region theme. my first year was northern africa, and then london, england, and then paris, and now india! i'm so excited!

( me pouting my non existent lips + my smelly work uniform = a retina scorching style of hideousness)Posted by Picasa

the picture is kind of blury because my friend rita took it (haha reeeds). she's korean, which is ironic because korean sweat shops made the printing of this journal possible, and then a large selfish and world dominating corporation sold it to me for five bucks at barnes and noble.

hooray !! :D

god is going to smote me.


Friday, July 08, 2005

bad girls

so yesterday was a day of intense randomness.

my mom bought me a mad sassy digital camera for my birthday (which was in march, by the way)

and then my little cousin maria called and told me she had an extra ticket to go see the queen of disco herself that night at the boston pavillion.

donna summer = my role model and inspiration for living

yes, i can easily say i almsot pissed myself out of shock/amazement/ecstacy.

so my uncle george, my aunt angela, my cousin maria, and i all piled into their luxurious car and went to the concert. it was at the pavilion, which i remembered because i saw billy idol in may there.

me = sasy concert goer.

uncle george: now... ange, where's the pavilion again..?

when my stubborn ass uncle asks for directions, you know we're in trouble.

aunt angela: i don't know. didn't we go to a retaraunt near there on a date like 20 years ago? no- wait, that was in new york.

oh. my. god.

me: it's right next to the world trade center. it's a huge white tent, you can't miss it.
uncle george: shh stephany, i'm trying to think....

so then we drove around the "big dig", which is boston's equivelant to the fiery lake of hell, for a joyous like, 40 minutes. fuck the big dig. 15 billion in tax dollars and you build us a tunnel that leaks?

i guess 15 billion dosn't buy what it used to.

meanwhile, uncle george began to feel the first stabs of agitation.

uncle george: WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?

i don't understand. we were right in front of it. it's a huge white tent, how do you miss it? and if you didn't see the tent, maybe the flashing red marchee that says in large, bold red letters "DONNA SUMMER" might clue you in.

oh, but i forgot. my uncle didn't even know what we were going to see. he kept prancing around the house earlier like a great loon shouting "get ready to see suzanne somers!!!"

suzanne somers does NOT equal donna summer.

at all.

so please.


me: the pavillion, it's right th-
aunt angela: don't interrupt your uncle.
uncle george: maybe we'll take a right....

and in my head i willed him to turn left over and over, but it didn't work.

so finally his genius directions led us through a 20 minute loop that landed us right in front of the pavilion again. uncle george decided it was time to ask for directions.

uncle george: [to couple in front of pavillion] do you know where the pavillion is?
couple: ...... are you... serious?

and then they began to hysterically laugh.

so uncle george figured it was time to find a parking space.

maria and i had great seats, only like 4 rows back from the stage, and her parents were two rows behind us. and i got to sit next to these two completely fabulous gay guys and their "girlfriend", who was equally fabulous. so i showed them my camera and asked if i could take a picture of them.

gay guy 1: ok only if i get to kiss him in it.
gay guy 2: oh you animal.

it was so fun.

me: oh i'm so excited i get to sit next to token gay guys at a donna summer concert!
gay 1 (he seemed to be the raunchier one): if you want we'll put on a little show for you.
me: ok, this camera takes video too, so whenever you're ready....

and then we laughed for like 2 minutes.

this must be said: being in an enclosed space with a thousand gay guys and middle aged women during the song "bad girls" is like a a religious experience. it brings new meaning to your existence.

so now it's official:

donna summer concert + new digital camera + token gay guys (which were EVERYWHERE) + femal 70s has-beens + big dig = life.

oh p.s., i am filled with envy. tomorrow my cousin yanni (maria's older brother) leaves for a month in france and greece (where he just was back in april, oh how i loathe him), WITH the same boy who lit my heart aflame and then pissed on the ashes.

while talking about his car.

and making out with my gorgeous cousin cassandra.

(that last part didn't happen). or so i hope.

oh p.p.s., god bless london. i hope everything gets better. i think donna summer does too. she sang amazing grace for you posh beyotches. :(


Wednesday, July 06, 2005

me = back

sorry everyone. i couldn't write for the longest time. first i had papers to write, then i had finals, then i was just a lazy ass, and then i was in a deep and dark depression for a month.

it was really cute. <3

oh, and that boy that i was madly in love with? could i be any more mental? of course he didn't like me. at all. maybe at one point he did, but i most definately have turned him off since then.

and i'm starting to think that i imagined anything nice he said to me (or anything at all for the matter) was because he loved me too, when really it was him just trying to be polite.

and plus, he became really really mean. i thought he was so nice and thoughtful, but he's really a car obsessed fanatical self obsorbed jackass.

whatever, he leaves for europe this saturday.

in other news, i had a dream i stabbed my aunt in the chest with a pair of scissors.

hope everyone had a nice independence day.


Friday, June 03, 2005

ad europam

so i am so def totally hitting up london and paris this february it's like not even funny.

i'm wicked psyched.

like off the chains.

jesus i hope i don't get too excited and say anything weird. well, i suppoose it won't matter in france since they won't probably know what i'm saying anyways, but in the uk, i have to watch it wicked bad.

last time i went to london i was in the 6th grade. i didn't really talk at all (except for the whole 'bidet' drama in the hotel. how was i supposed to know you clean your balls with it?) because i was like 12 and really shy.

so maybe i should re-adopt that trait. just for the week. and whenever else i leave the country.

or else something stupid like this probably will happen:

me: hey, do you guys like remember the war of 1812?


posh british fox: get the fuck out of my country.

and then one of those crazy soldiers with the suave hats will come and shoot me in the face like after the changing of the guards or something historical like that.

and then prince william will never marry me.

who am i kidding?

of course he will.


rule, britania.... lalalalala.



so i got a second job to help pay off the huge $2000 cost. i feel like one of those single moms with five kids that has to make it on her own to prove to the rest of the world the power and determination of women.

now i just need to get a third job to buy some new clothes for europe.

because right now my clothes look like fashion vomit.

and post scriptum, i won president (for junior year) of my class for the third time. life is going very well lately.


i'm such a spoiled piece of shit.


Thursday, May 26, 2005


hi my name is stephany and i will be in debt until i die.

next year my school's going to london and paris for a week. they had a meeting for it today at break.

the response:

me: omg omg that is SO FABULOUS. i am like freaking out like totally no puedo respirar to the maxx.
teacher: it will cost about $2500.


and a solemn hush fell over the crowd.

well at least for me.

most of those other rich bastards will be lucky enough to have their parents pay for them. as for me?

i will be making a lot of pizzas in the next six months.

and the stephany fund accepts checks and credit cards if you wish to make a donation.

teacher: makes sure you save your money because we're going to phili and dc as well.

umm, i don't think so.

nda, you are bleeding me. bleeding me dry.

like seriously, just cut off my arm. cut off my arm and sell it to science because i don't know how i'm going to do. i want to go so bad and i know my mom does too and that's why this is all so hard.

sell my egg cells too. might as well put those bitches up to good use.

this recent lack of money can be seen as a good thing. now i don't have to think about what's his face and whether he likes me or not because it won't matter. even in the exxtttreeemmmeeelllyyy unlikely chance that he does, i won't be able to go because i won't have anything to wear because i can't buy any new clothes.

so i won't be able to dress up in a shallow attempt to look half as decent as he does.

oh well too bad. i guess i will be too busy hooking up with prince william and eating something european to notice.

and other cultural stuff.

and plus we're going underground from england to france. like mission impossible. that's a lot flier than awkward conversation after some lame ass movie.

french? who cares if i don't speak french? i know lots. like "omelette du fromage" and "pamplemousse" and the song about the gentille aloutte. plus i've seen carmen. i could bust out the toreador song.

i'm practically fluent.

so yeah. mad skills. everything a traveler would need to know and more.

europe + me = sass


Monday, May 23, 2005


i went to a billy idol concert on friday.


i can easily say it was the greatest experience of my life. you don't even understand.

ever since 7th grade i've had the biggest crush on him. never in my wildest dreams did i ever think that i'd have the chance to see him live before he died of like, alcohol poisoning or liver cirrhosis.

or a drug overdose.

or like, old age.

you know. something weird like that.

and i tell you, if it wasn't for that concert, my whole weekend, no, this whole MONTH would have sucked ass.

like i probably would have thrown myself into on comming traffic that's how much it blowed.

billy idol pretty much saved my life.

so i would now like to take the time to thank england. thank you, england for being the birthplcae of the sassiest fox ever.

and for you know, like colonizing america i guess.


and thank you, peroxide.


anyways, back to the rest of my horrible, crappy ass saturday night that emotionally marred me. like i don't think i can move on with my life and function in society again after this.

on saturday night my crush:

  • found out i like to read shakespeare in my spare time (nerd)
  • was told by my cousin (whom i will kill now, thanks) that i have never been kissed
  • thinks i'm a total arrogant jerk
  • received a call from his extrememly gorgeous ex ex girlfriend who (a) was drunk, (b) confessed her undying love for him, and (c) kissed him the night before.
  • couldn't stop thinking/talking about her



you know, the hamlet thing i could live with. i mean, i read shakespeare. that's what i like to do. and besides, it is humanity's axiomatic responsibility to aquaint themselves with fine literature. that's what seperates us from the animals.

so you know,

kiss my ass.

but the whole never been kissed and arrogant jerk thing? no. there is no recovering from that.

and the greatest part is i actually thought for a while i had a chance with him. it didn't even strike me that a beautiful, rich, athletic, talented, intelligent boy who owned a beamer would probably rather die then waste his time with me.

but rather some drunken whore at a party.


this is a rather new low.

and i didn't even include the fact that i saw a picture of him without his shirt on. (!) or the fact that abercrombie and fitch offered him a job.

like he didn't even ask them for one.

he just like walked in.

and they were like in awe of how asthetically pleasing a person can be or something and begged him to work for them.


yeah happens to me allllll the time....

but in my defense there were some things he said or did that made it almost appear as if he had some sort of interest in me, but, being the delusional moron that i am, took them much deeper then they really are.

he probably just felt really really bad. because i'm so delusional and stuff. but whatever. "don't sweat the small stuff", eh emy?

luckily i wasn't a dumbass and didn't ask him out or anything. or for his sn.

that might have sucked.

like, running off a cliff type of suck.

whatever billy idol's hotness made up for everything. he made eye contact with me. we're definately an item.

like i'm moving in this thursday.


Monday, May 16, 2005

fortuna bona..?

my creative side. click it. Posted by Hello

this weekend just further proved my well backed theory that i was dropped on my head as a child.

and not just like an "oops" one time deal, i mean repeatedly dropped from crazy distances on unfavorable surfaces.

like a fireplace.

so a while back when i was taking driver's ed a couple of the guys there asked me out (i know i was shocked too). one of them was a real fox, but i said no because a) he's a drug addict and b) it's driver's ed people, come on.

so last friday while my aunt was driving my little cousin and me home from school, we thought it would be really funny for some reason if we hung out of the car window with our toungues kind of hanging out and made noises at passing pedestrians.

the noise of choice was "alllllleeeèeeehhhhhh" with the toungues out on the right side.

yeah, real attractive/mature/intelligent for a 16 year old (me) and her fourteen year old cousin.

so we were laughing and having fun, when all of a sudden i saw some random blonde boy up ahead riding his bike.

so the two of us rocked the "alllllleeeèeeehhhhhh".

all of a sudden, the boy and i made eye contact and i realised it was the fox from driver's ed. he looked at me with this mixed expression of both surprise and revulsion, and almost fell off his bike out of shock.

i could have died.


why do i do the things i do.

so i stuck my head back into the car and put up the window.

and prayed for a head on collision.

except obviously that didn't happen because i had to suffer the rest of the weekend and am here typing this, so i am unfortunately forced to live with my shame until i finally die.

ehh what else is new.

and then came saturday.

and then came sunday.


my aunt called me up while i was laying on the couching watching some obscure documentary about lemures or something and told me to come over because it was my cousin jonathan's 16th birthday or something.

me: who's going to be there?

just wondering because i know at his official birthday party, next saturday, my huuggee crush will be there.

aunt: oh just the cousins, that's all.

which was a relief because i was afraid that will*, my cousin's best friend with whom i am in love would be there, which means that i would have to brush my hair or something, which was definately not on my to do list at the moment.

*=name has been changed so that people i know who read this won't know who i'm talking about so they can't tell my cousins about it.

so i rolled off the couch and went with my mom to their place.

in their driveway i saw this beautiful bmw.

me: mom, who has a beamer?
mom: oh, didn't will just get one?
me: WHAT.

my hair was in this high pony tail at the top of my head, i had all black smudges around my eyes from the night before, and i was wearing this crappy hanging-out shirt that said "algebra is for lovers" on it.

not to mention i havn't shaved my legs in approximately 6 weeks. i actually attempted to that morning, but it would take like 3 runs with the razor on one strip of my leg before i could actually remove all those bastards, so i stopped after only one half of a leg was done.

so basically i looked like i crawled out of hell.

and then beaten by The Ugly Stick.

so naturally i hid in a little room in the house so i wouldn't be seen. it was just me, and my boy hamlet. i love reading that play.

but then we had to go sing happy birthday to him and everyone was forced to have to have my hideousness in their prescense. and that stupid shirt. then something crazy happened.

like really crazy.

he asked me to hang out with him. like, hang out. so i was like yeah whatever and hung out.

and when my cousins and he were talking about lifting weights or something (i stopped paying attention and was like reading), he flexed his arm and checked to make sure i was watching (which of course i was but was pretending not to so i didn't look like a total tool). normally i'd think that was pompous, but it was kind of a cute pompous.

then something even weirder happened.

will: hey are you hungry?
me: no.
will: oh.....


will: because i was going to ask if you wanted to come with us to mcdonald's.

which of course i went (but didn't eat anything so i wouldn't add to my grossness) even though i was dressed like a total jackass. he even offered to buy me something. it was SO WEIRD.

this type of thing never happens to me.

i've never been impressed by a man's car before but i have to tell you, beamer + stick shift + black leather interior + hot boy =


well something really cool.

i had a lot to ponder when i went home that night. i thought for a very long time.

and then watched desperate housewives.

and then thought some more about how cruel fate was.

will is:

  • greek
  • 17
  • gorgeous
  • ripped
  • honor roll student
  • an owner of a bmw
  • rich (i am so wicked)
  • rocky fan hell yes



so i was all like, "god what does it all mean? show me a sign" or some corny shit like that.

and then today.....

i found out he just broke up with her. it was like christmas. christmas for wicked and evil people like me.

ahh... i feel like the next couple of weeks will be rather interesting.

or exactly its same, mundane self. who knows.


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